Curtain Call

Tonight I reviewed a letter someone had written where they tried to describe a situation.  In reading it, it was hard for me to comprehend fully what was being said as I couldn't grasp all the subject matter as I had never studied it or been in a similar situation.  The overall theme had similarities I could relate to, but the actuals were not something I had ever experienced.  It reminded me of this blog and why I wrote.  To best describe my experiences in written form to other riders, other participants of ALC, or whomever chose to follow this blog.  Tonight, I decided I needed to write it down.  What was ALC 2013 to me.  And I can't put it all here.  One; that would be impossible to surmise a whole week in one post and two; the ride is near impossible to describe.  So I write this final entry to close out this chapter and have a way to recount years down the line what this ride was for me.  I will always have the memories and pictures, these are only some of the highlights that came from the ride for me.  I can't make you fully understand if you have not gone through it yourself, but hopefully, you can find it relatable :)

2 years ago I had never been on a bike.  But now, I consider myself to be an expert rider.  The biggest shock that came to me from this ride was how great I felt at the end.  I could have easily kept going.  Yes, my ass hurt and I was a little delusional from lack of sleep, but my body is in its peak physical shape that I have ever known it to be in, including when I danced professionally.  I am happy for what biking has done for my overall health physically.

Emotionally, I was kind of numb to the ride.  No love bubble for me this year.  And that is ok.  I was very happy the whole ride. I never had a bad moment and just because the love bubble never enveloped me didn't mean that it did not exist for others, and that was cool to see.  This was the best vacation I have ever had and I am thankful for that. 

What did occur though was such amazing clarity.  I am in the right place, the right spot, in my life.  I could not be anywhere better.  Well, not true exactly.  I could always be on the Starship Enterprise, but in seriousness, I could always be in the perfect city with the perfect friends and the perfect financial situation but to whose expectations?  Mine?  More money may be nice, or a city with mountains and an occasional lightning storm.  I miss those things and would enjoy the benefits of more money.  But coming home from the ride, experiencing all the emotions I did feel on the ride, I am in the right place in my life and I kind of love my life.  I have this moment and would not trade it for what I assume or would think would be a better moment.  And one huge impact this ride did for me, it really helped me lose any remnants of ego I had.  And think of the Eckhart Tolle ego if you are reading this, not the ego of I am better than you.  Losing that sense of ego brought me to really live in the moment, something my bike has been teaching me all along. 

There was a little old man who did the ride this year.  He rode every mile, or walked it.  He started first thing in the morning and though he could not do the hills, he walked up the hills.  And he did not ask for help.  I cried for him at one point.  I wanted to know his story.  And I didn't cry because he was frail and weak, which he was very frail and weak for a cyclist who just rode 545 miles.  But he inspired me.  He rode for a reason and had his mission.  There were a lot of other riders who blazed past him, concerned with making it to rest stop four, or keeping their cadence of 18 mph.  How many stopped their minds to wonder whom this rider, this member of our family was.  I never spoke to him, but his determination and feather in his helmet, always made me smile. 

I did cry in the mission.  I cried for myself.  For my loss of Ricardo.  I don't think of him as often as time moves on.  But there in the mission, looking at the religious symbols, I wondered if there was a heaven and if he was there.  I still can say I don't believe in heaven, hell, god, etc.  But I do wonder sometimes.  And if not, was his energy (which is never lost) floating in another dancer, choreographer, or cyclists calves?  Was he with me, us?  I miss him.

I met a new friend whom I shared much with.  And through him regained a sense of self and what mattered most to Ricky, and what drives Ricky and what I strive for.  And the best Zen moment on the bike was going down the coast, 26 mph, ocean to my right, silence all around, but feeling the presence of everything and basking in that moment.

And I did meet an Angel.  He showed me how to fix a bike chain.  I may not have been enveloped by the love bubble, but he surely did brush against me and was a true hero to Kitty and brought her into the bubble.

So my lessons;

Live in the moment.  I have done this daily sense I came home, and near daily before I left, post faux heart attack.  And through being present in each moment, not stressing about tomorrow or living in yesterday, I have truly found more happier moments than I knew existed.  I smile more and am at peace, which helps me see the finer, subtle moments.  And for the little old man with the feather in his helmet, I bet he is one of the happiest men out there.  He was in his moment constantly and a smile on his face with each step or peddle.

If you know something, teach.  Angel saved someones ride.  And made the biggest impact on her that could ever be felt/known.  Put your ego aside, and teach when you can.  Most importantly, help where you can.  I am lucky to be able to ride and be surrounded by those whom can financially support me to make the minimum to ride.  Though this is my last year, I will continue to help, hopefully in more ways than I thought I was previously able to do so. :)

And the biggest lesson, if you love someone, tell them.  This ride is the most intimate thing you can do with someone. You are raw and vulnerable.  You cry, hug and hold someones hand when it needs to be held.  Strangers I met knew they had me to cry on when needed, or a hug when physical touch was needed.  My brother, wife and cat know they are loved.  It meant a great deal to me to hear I inspired someone, or they felt loved from the love I gave.  So when I feel it, I should say it.  Even if it is just to remind someone that they are special in your life.

I am so happy.  And very blessed, by whatever god that is out there.  I am peaceful and have had my soul filled by this ride and all the the past two years have taught me.  This journey is not over, but this, This is it. Final curtain call. Thank you ALC. I will keep peddling :)