Distractions

Followers (all 5 of you)!  What an incredibly emotional and crazy past month.  I feel as though I've let you and I down.  Here I am writing a blog about my amazing adventures of preparing for a 545 mile bike ride.  And in the past three weeks I have rode.... once.  Yeah. Not doing so well for this training.  The past few weeks I have put my job first, and everything else second.  Not entirely true, I have kept a friend at the forefront of all my duties, job, life, relationships and responsibilities.  However, in a close second was my job, and a very far distant third was my friends, family and boyfriend.  And ending the pack in fourth place, my training.  Well, still not exactly true.  I did workout at the gym hard core, but mostly it was to relieve the stresses of life.  But I know that I need endurance so I choose to workout a minimum of four and maximum of six days a week, trying to burn 550 calories each trip.  So I did keep the training though at the forefront of my mind, but mostly to burn off the stresses of life that were pissing me off.  It's funny, at one point, I took Turbo Kick Box and fought the reflection in the mirror.  That was a rough couple days.  I was mad at myself for not being in control of myself.  That is a lot to admit here to those that read this, but, I promised all the tribulations that will go with this upcoming ride.  I was horribly upset with myself.  I was jeopardizing everything in my life all for a job.   I was in a unique place; my work requires me to be a rock. Solid and unwavering to my team and our goals.  A month ago we were on the heels of a crazy Holiday install and I knew the demands on me were going to be extreme.  Constantly on call taking phone calls from 6 am to 2 am (yeah, that's only fours off a night).  Working 9-17 hours a day.  Brain thinking, analzingly, logistically thinking non stop. Physically demanding and brain draining. 
My friend, needed a rock to get through her difficult time in life (still need to hold the anonymity). And being a rock to your friend when you feel that same hurt that you are helping them through was a situation I had never been in.  I lost control of my emotional capacities. I was tired, exhausted that I was being such a strength to my friend and my job that I let myself and my personal relationships go.  That was difficult.  One day, I went to Turbo Kick Box and did the class.  In the class, I saw my reflection, and I boxed it.  I was that upset with myself and seeing what was crumbling around me, I fought myself.  It was intense.  I beat the crap out of my reflection.  I cried.  I knew that I had to pull myself out of my hole I dug for myself and get my life back on track.  Well, I did that.  Slowly.  Once Holidays at work got installed, my body gave out on me.  Literally, I got sicker than I have been in a while.  And my body, not a reflection of myself in the mirror, knocked me out flat on my ass. But it was what I needed.  I am happy to say that I have taken this past week to focus on myself first and foremost, because without me being in my prime spot, I cant be there for others.  I am still there for my friend and will be for as long as they need me to be there.  But today, I "spring" clean my cottage and am getting everything back in order.  I have reintroduced myself to my loved ones and they have welcomed me back.  I have brought my smile back to my friends and they are happy to see Ricky back to where he was not long ago.  And staring lovingly at me from across the room right now, is Blanch, asking for a date again.  I will go out this weekend, with or without a buddy, and start my track towards San Fransisco again.  I am sure that I will have more things that come up that will pull me into situations where balancing life will be hard, but, I know that this next time, I need to rely on my friends and loved ones, as they will be there for me.

Amazing People

I have an amazing group of people in my life.  It is hard for me to write this so as to keep anonymity for those I want to talk about.  Some I can say things more freely about.  Others, I will keep my words brief and to the point.

First, bike riding updates. I have not rode in a while.  I rode last Saturday 11/5.  But since then I have not rode and my next trip isn't until next Sunday!

It was an emotional ride on Saturday.  I had very little sleep and a rough night with my closest friend.  She was having a rough night and needed me.  I was there for her and I still get teary eyed writing these words.  But through a few calls and lots of texts, we made it through her hardest day she has ever had.  I was pissed to what happened.  I couldn't believe how unfair life is.  I decided that I had enough.  I took off and just rode.  Along the way I had to make some calls.  They were hard calls to make, lots of tears shed, but I needed to let people know what was going on.  The hardest call was to Jose, my boyfriend.  I needed him.  I was lost, hurting and needed that verbal loving embrace his voice provides to tell me that it was going to be ok.  OK, now I have tears on my checks.  But he was there for me.  His words let me know that though life throws you fast balls that smack you square in the crotch, no words can take away the hurt.  Friends, love and a shoulder to lean on and an open ear will help lessen the pain.

I also have amazing leadership at work.  They called to check in on me and make sure I was ok.  They gave me words of advice and a sounding board for my emotions.  They also stepped in for me on covering my shifts to give me the time to be there for my friend.  I appreciate them for their leadership, strength and support.

Nicole O., what an amazing person. She has been a rock this past week as I work through life and an absolutely chaotic work Holiday install.  Someone who can give so generously and without any need for acknowledgment or credit is truly an awesome friend.  I owe you, what, I don't know.  But when you need a work sounding board, coverage, or just a ear to let the words flow on, let me know.

Danny, thanks for being my laughing friend.  You make the days so much better and fun.  And thanks for being my workout partner along with Kira.  I need this for my life change and upcoming ride.  Without you pushing me to take these classes, this upcoming ride would not be possible.

Jose.  I know I mentioned him above. But I am fortunate to have met such an amazing and honest person.  This has been a challenging week for me, and I appreciate who he is and the advice he has given me to be a better friend to my friend who needs me.  He is a rock, and I appreciate him more each day.  He also reminds me that I need to ride; this is going to be intense and I need to train.  He is there for me to keep me on track and support each peddle stroke I do.  I love him, greater than the distance from Chickentown to the 25th hour island of the Abarat.

Lastly, my amazing father.  Dad, I hurt right now.  The pain my heart feels sucks.  I dont want to blog all my emotions onto this page, but those who read it now whats going on.  And I hurt.  I feel like an ass. I feel low.  And I feel like life can be unfair.  I must say that this has been one of the shittier weeks in my life.  But, 2 years ago today, I got one of the worst and best phone calls a son could ever recieve.  It's not everyday you get a call saying dad was lost in the woods and survived the bear attack.  But then you realize if any person were to survive that, it would be you!  Hence the best phone call I have ever received.  Well, I got that call.  I hurt then as I hurt now.  But I have a fantastic father who got through it.  You are an amazing person and each painful moment this ride or its effects casues on me, I know that I have the Guy family strength in my blood and I will be fine.  I love you.

And a thanks to you who read this blog.  Your support of who I am, what I am doing and this journey means so much.