Roller Coaster

Hello blog world.  This post today finds me in a very odd place.  I have been on a roller coaster and have experienced the range of emotions.  Here goes.  This time, unlike last post, I will read before posting to ensure a flow to the style :)

I must start with the beginning of my week.  To just put it out there and get it said, Jose and I broke up.  My heart is broken right now and writing it here makes me teary again.  This is a public blog and for that, I wont go into the details between him and I that are private.  That would be unfair to us both and I wont do that.  However, if you are reading this blog, you are here to support me so I will tell you that this is very hard for me. I am in love and my heart hurts. Now I know you are supporters of me and are thinking of Down With Jose Facebook fan pages or that jerk, but don't. Jose was an amazing man and an awesome supporter of me and this ride and my journey.  The thing is, he is still an amazing man and an awesome supporter of me and this ride and my journey.  So, followers, no bad vibes, thoughts or fan pages. Know that it has been a rough week for me, my heart hurts, I am sad, I cry.  Jose and I will work through this to whatever capacity that holds in the future.  He is a good man and a part of this journey.

Further into that though, I must say I have an amazing group of friends who have been there for me throughout this week.  I had a guest bedroom to sleep in. I shared a big ass slice of cake (food does wonders for emotions) with friends. I went to the gym with friends (good lord, TKB releases energy. I recommend that class to anyone who just needs to sweat it out). I had a laughter filled dinner due to stinky handed children at Souplantation (kids really can brighten your day) and more dinners (and the worlds best Spinach salad with Pancetta).  A late night discussion going into the wee hours of the morning talking about the paranormal, science and Stephen Hawking. Martinis with friends (too bad I puked the entire night and had zero drinks minus the 20 or so glasses of water). A missed ride (was still sick) but a fantastic conversation (more on that later). Disney on Ice. And a sun soak by the pool. So thank you friends.  You made sure I was taken care of.  I appreciate you all and value my friendships with each of you.

Well, how has the riding been.  Saturday was ALC Team San Diego first official training ride.  I was so excited to go and so ready to start this journey with them.  And I got sick.  Friday, I left work not too great.  But when I got home, I thought I was going to puke.  Danny came over and was asking if we should still go out for a drink.  I didn't feel too bad, just nauseous, so I decided to risk it and at least get food.  Well, at the restaurant, I lost it all, vomiting that is.  But, that at least made me hungry so I got to eat.  But low and behold, the chills came.  I was freezing.  Mind you, the rest of our party was saying how hot the restaurant was and here I was freezing my ass off.  Then my lower back started hurting.  Great, I am getting sick.  Then wouldn't you know, I got up to get fresh air and I puked all over again.  At least it was in an alley in Hillcrest so no one took notice :)  But by the end of the night I was miserable.  I had the worst nights sleep, sweaty and under my covers, but chills and body aches.  I couldn't make the ride the next morning.  There was no way.  Luckily, I started to feel better.  Better enough to do a ride today!!!!

But first, on Saturday, I decided that if I couldn't ride I would meet up with David, a training ride leader (TRL). We met and he rejuvenated the passion for the ride.  He has done the ride 10 times!  Crazy.  He was super cool, genuine loving heart, and just fun to be around.  He was motivating and I got bitten by the bug again, the same bug that made me sign up in the first place.  I never lost why I was doing this or lost my passion, but he brought back to me the excitement of the ride.  Hello, 7 days and 550 miles.  That is scary.  And he admitted to me. It is rough :)  But he just had such passion and energy for the journey, it was awesome to be in that moment with him.  So thank you David!  And...... I am pretty sure because of him I will be doing my first century ride here fairly soon!  More on that in future blogs and FB updates!

Here are the characters for the story beneath the photo.  Tammy, me and Logan

So today, I got up at 7 am (after being out till 1 am, yikes, it was fun though) to go meet the TRL's and seven other persons participating in today's ride.  Well, I was the only participant who showed up!  So it was me and 3 TRL's.  Logan, Tammy and Sean.  They were great.  Sean and Tammy seemed shy, but were great to talk to and get to know. Logan was a talker (he didn't know I am still trying to peddle and talk, its hard :)). They were all great leaders.  It was a leisure ride around Fiesta Island, Harbor Island and CabrilloTRL's :)  Ocean Beach was crazy!  Narrow streets, bitchy drivers, close drivers and overall a little scary.  But I survived.  My only bad, oh shit moment, came when I was going under PCH by the Sand Diego River and my bike tire hit a small pile of dirt.  The back wheel skidded and started to swerve into an oncoming biker.  So not only did I almost take myself out, I almost took out a biker.  The TRL's didn't see as I was in the rear.  But it was close.....  The highlight, the views.  It was so clear. At Cabrillo, you could see as far as the eye could see.  It is cool to see where you rode, how far you rode and to just see your city.  I was so at peace up there.  And it is a beautiful place.  I think that was one of the best views to date on a ride. Oh, and Tammy had the same bike as me!  I wonder if she called it Rose, or Sophia? The overall feeling, such a great high. SO amazing to be out with other riders who have done this ride and share the passion for why it is done.  I am so excited right now.

Link to my bike route for today. 30 miles!

http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/66653574


It is funny.  This has been a roller coaster week.  And I am ending it on an amazing high. I still am figuring out these emotions, and its hard.  Hurt and euphoria share a commonality in that they are big emotions, and I am taking both fully and embracing them.  This friends, was a hard week.  Oh yeah, I almost forgot.  I ended the week with Manny. He pushed me so hard at the gym on my shoulders I couldn't lift 10 pounds without his help. But afterwards, we had dinner.  It was at that moment that I looked at him and thought, you are a great friend.  And how surreal that I am eating with an Olympian, who is also my coach, and friend. So crazy surreal, that at the current moment, I can't quite put it into words. Yeah my followers on Ricky's ALC adventure, this has truly been a roller coaster week.

Till next time.

I'm BACK!

Where have I been??  That is a good question that I am sure you are all asking.  Well, I have rode, about four times.  Mostly short rides by myself.  Once with Dave for an easy ride. Yesterday, I finally got back on the saddle to kick off my 2012 training.  Here is that story, granted a verbal mess of words but as a commitment to jot down my thoughts to my journey, here it is, unedited....

I had an off moment before riding.  I actually felt lonely and I couldn’t quite place it.  I had a great day, a good meal, but felt alone.  As I was prepping for my ride, I said to myself, do the ride and being on the streets with your self, you can work out this off feeling.  So I did.  I really didn’t want to ride.  My motivation has been lacking and I wasn’t sure I wanted to ride.  Jose reminded me that you have to start sometime and to not let weather deter you (it was misty from rain the day prior).  But I still didn’t want to go.  But I forced myself.  About 30 min into the ride, it made sense.  I wasn’t lonely personally, I felt alone to the ride and its training.  The day prior, Saturday, was supposed to be the official AIDS LifeCycle San Diego Team Ride kick off.  It got cancelled due to heavy rain.  I was sooo looking forward to it.  I was excited to meet the people who were going to be joining me in the same ride and cause and looked forward to making those connections, and some friends from this process.  I think with the ride being cancelled (don’t get me wrong, it made for a nice day, slept in, breakfast with the boyfriend, a little work, dinner and a movie), it bummed me out and I didn’t realize it till I got back on my bike.  But I rode 3 hours at a leisure pace to get saddle time in and did three steep hills to prep for the Quadbuster, and did about 25 miles.  I also got a great sightseeing tour of some amazing houses in Kensignton!  I came back high on life and feeling oh so good about myself.  The ride, solo, was what I needed to rejuvenate myself.  And it made me realize and reconnect with myself that I am doing this ride for me, firstly, and that not riding is only letting myself down.  I have other reasons, but I am the only thing holding myself back. I am still hesitant.  I am scared that I will fail this ride, thus myself and just as importantly those that have sponsored me and more importantly, believe in me.  I don’t want to also fail my reasons for doing this ride.  So, I put out an all call to some friends and groups to see if there are people who want to ride.  Though I can do it myself, if I have a time and date commitment to someone, I feel like I will have better success (that’s why I go to the gym, I don’t want to let Kira or Danny down).  And people are writing back.  So I have friends out there, some who I never knew rode, that are willing to help me reach my goal!

So blogger friends, here is where I am at.  I am in the best physical shape I have ever been in since I stopped dancing.  My legs are great, my body fat is low, and I feel so fit.  I am working out three to four days a week doing Turbo Kick Box and Body Pump.  I am eating sensibly, although not enough calories (sorry Manny, we need to figure out this meal plan).  I will bike twice a week through February if not three times a week.  And now that its official and the countdown to the ride has started, I will blog twice to four times a month. 

I know this is for me.  I know I can never put in words what I will feel and get from this. But I am doing this for me, my loved ones, and yes, you, my friends.  Thanks for keeping me in place and the occasional kick in the ass.  But luckily, I don’t think I will need to many more of those J

Here is the route I took yesterday.

 
http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/65549166


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<a href="http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/65549166">A ride mapped on 01/22/2012</a><br/>
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