Stream of thought

Hi followers.  This is it, my last day in San Diego.  I wanted to write this post for a while but delayed.  Not sure why.  Today though, maybe I needed today to reflect on this moment.

Past, I have not blogged much.  This year the ride is not as consuming. I can do it.  I already have and I succeeded.  So I did not train as much.  Also, I had some life altering moments.  As mentioned, I had a close relationship end on me and suffered a heart attack, which thankfully was not a heart attack but rather a heart disease issue.  So I had three months where for lack of a better term, dated my self.  And let me tell you, I am a hot date :)  And I do mean it.  I spent some quality time looking in the mirror and turned into something beautiful.  (Vomit, I know.  How manly a word can you choose Ricky)  But here is the deal.  I took time to reflect on my personal demons and came to find they wernt so scary when I gave them a face and name.  For a while they just festered in my head where they were scarier since I never looked at them, but through the shadows.  I digress.  That is not for me to tell all 8 of you reading this what I saw.  But when in a hospital bed surrounded by crash carts, saws to cut you open and a friendly reminder sign to the staff to freeze your brain upon death, you can't help but take mental note of what is important in your life.  And that was all of you, my friends, my ex, my family.  When you are not sure if you will die, you wonder whom to call.  I literally was sitting in a hospital bed wondering whom I should call to let know I may die. So I called no one.  Why worry them.  If I die, I die.  And Nicole was with me and could tell them I died a happy man.  So I did not call my family or friends.  I did text my ex.  I had, and to this day, have never stopped loving him fully and without any barriers.  He needed to know that.  I did text my sister, but in a sense, to let her know I may die.  She is kind of the person who in our family will ensure they pull the plug on me if I ended up in a coma, and that for me was important.  If I am going to live, I want to with my eyes open.  These were morbid thoughts I know.  But I knew in that moment what was important in my life.  And I am thankful to Kira, Doug and Nicole for being by my side, and Jose, not physically, but via a phone and feeling his love.  And Lynnet for promising to pull the plug.

So this past few months I re prioritized my life.  I cleaned my house.  I read again (I missed reading).  I cooked (I missed my crappy cooking).  I spent quality time with people talking to them in person and not through Facebook.  I made new friends and forged deep bonds with my new brother David.  I was happy.  Then ding!  Here comes the ex (who am I kidding, the 8 of you that faithfully read this know it was Jose).  Good lord people, did I tell you I have never been more in love.  And you know what, I was nervous.  I am putting my heart on the line.  And he is a special person.  And we are seeing if this is the one.  And I will say this, it is going pretty good.  And I am pretty damned blessed to have an amazing man in my life.

And  I still hold on to me.  I have great friends, and new friends whom I became close too extremely fast.  I met a wonderful man whom has been with this disease since its inception.  He fought hard to get awareness to HIV/AIDS, and fought hard to ensure those afflicted by the disease would have helathcare and equal rights in a time when having HIV was the scarlet letter.  So to you, my new anonymous friend, thank you for reconnecting me to this cause.  You are a special man and I look forward to many more talks.  You are a true hero to HIV/AIDS and ensuring that those living with this disease are no different than those with a sixth toe or crossed eyes.  You should be applauded.

Hmmm, David, brother from another mother.  I truly love that guy.  I cannot divulge here why he is important to me.  But he is.  He knows why.  And for 12 years of doing ALC, you deserve a standing ovation. I am thankful you said yes to one more year.  Let's kick some ass Hooligans (Dick and Kitty included:))

So today, in a nut shell followers, I saw the worst in humanity today.  I am a hated man, no further information needed.  But there is someone out there who is just a hater of Ricky.  And that person got to me hard.  I hit my $5000 today (!) but instead of being excited, I was conflicted.  Right before I hit that Mark a friend approached me and said "Because of you and what you do, I strive to be a better person.  You inspire me"  I never thought I could raise $5000 for any cause.  I never thought I would touch so many people.  I never thought someone would want to be a better person because of me.  That moment brought me to tears.  And then moments later when I saw the email saying I hit $5000, I could not celebrate.  I was thinking back to earlier in the day when someone told me I was the black plague to society (yes, it was that bad).  How can I go on this amazing adventure and be surrounded by such hatred.  Well, to keep my thoughts moving, fuck you dick head.  But that does not make me feel better.  I kind of want to tell this person, for whatever reason you hate me, you are not a bad person.

Jose called first to congratulate me.  Damn it, it threw me for a loop.  To feel happiness from hearing from my hero, and to feel like crap due to one person makes not for a pretty Ricky.  But followers, this 
put it all in perspective.  I let one man ruin my day.  And that will happen again.  Life is not perfect.  But my actions and reactions to those moments are what matter.  So I sit here thankful to every person whom I bonded with on this journey.  Jose, for his always present love.  Nicole for her ever positive words.  Doug for his friendship.  Hooligans for being the hottest bitches on the road.  Shirley, for making me cry.  Ricky, for being a hero.  Yeah, me.  I am thankful to me and could not be a happier man.  And dickhead, you solidified for me today what truly is important.  So for that, thank you.
Final thought (Jerry! Jerry!). I may save a life today.  If one dollar of the $5000 I raised made that difference in providing care to one individual whom needed that drug, or doctors visit, or counselor to navigate housing, then dammit, that is truly all that matter at the end of this particular journey.

Keep peddling
Ricky