In loving memory, Ricardo

Followers. Here it is again. Weeks go by without a post.  A quick update to last week sans the weekend ride.  Those will come later today or Sunday.  Last week was once again a long week at work.  Not having an Assistant Supervisor is starting to wear on me.  I am tasked to much and am being held underwater by my job.  However, I leave work and don't bring it home with me and for as much as I let others including my team down for not being able to keep up, I do the best I can and unlike Holiday install, am remembering my priorities in life and keeping my life aligned to be the best life it can be.  Work is great, and I do like my job, but in the end, the job provides me the money to do the things I love and be with those I love.  So job, thanks, but we need to rectify this soon as I go home too sleepy and lack energy.  Soon though, I will have a week disconnect as I take the ride of a lifetime :)

Thursday of last week, I went and watched a docuseries of ALC, the ride.  Great documentary of the ride, a 6 part series.  I was with 1 year veterans and also newbies.  I will say this.  I was in a pissy place that day due to a meeting at work (not to be mentioned here but for pen and paper) and may not have been in the right frame of mind to watch the movie.  I actually found myself getting frustrated with fellow viewers as I thought, just watch the video, don't want to hear your account of the ride and just let me be in peace.  Yeah, I was in a pissy place :(  But after a few episodes in I found one person I was drawn to. Cher.  She lost her father 12 years prior to the ride (this was ALC 4 I believe) and though she never forgot that she lost her dad to AIDS, she never embraced his death and that it was from AIDS until she did the ride.  I can say I did the same.  Ricardo was not a bestie, we weren't even super close.  He was my mentor, and he knew that.  I was dedicated to him, his classes and he saw my future as a dancer.  He started to take me under his wing and offered to start placing me in pieces he produced with his company.  I am not sure what he saw in me, but he was willing to take the chance on me and support and mold me :)  He was a wonderful man. Yes, I guess he was a friend.  So he passed.  I had a hard time with it then.  I had never known someone who had passed from HIV.  So it was hard.  Since his passing, I have met, befriended, lost acquaintances, had close friends be impacted by HIV.  It is a reality and I live my realities in the moment.  So though I have not forgot that HIV is out there and still claiming lives, it is not at the forefront of my mind.  So Cher was in the same place.  Doing the ride, she celebrated her dad, his partner and I dare say his HIV/AIDS.  Not celebrated that he had AIDS, but acknowledged its existence.  She was remembering all that her dad was, which included his disease he was enduring until his death.  That hit me hard.  It reminded me that I started to ride to do something bigger than I, but also for Ricardo.  I am celebrating Ricardo with this ride!  Celebrating his life, his dancing, and remembering that he had a disease.  And I cant remain silent (Suzi, thanks for the mid movie speech, it helped click for me again). Also, Cher was recognizing that her husband was not getting it.  And whats weird is that through all the support I am getting from all my friends, family and loved ones, very few are getting it in the way that I am.  And this is not disrespectful to them.  I have the BEST group of people in my life.  But this ride has a personal journey, which I, a few fellow riders and a handful of non riders are understanding what it truly means.  So in a weird way, part of this ride feels lonely.  I am sure on the ride it will feel like a family, but right now, it does feel a hair lonely.  Does this make sense?  I guess that we do things in life for our own reasons, and though the global message of what this ride is and means, I think that being knee deep in its training, preparations, tears, highs and lows, one truly cannot have the full embraced experience until you do it.  Man, I cant wait to see how many tears I will shed on the actual journey.....

Alright, I am on a tangent. This is word vomit to get out in one fell swoop.  In closing.  Followers, thank you for reading.  Thank you for supporting.  I have had personal talks with each of you about this ride and I appreciate your support and interest.  If these next couple of weeks I get funky, just slap me :)  No really.  I think I am coming to terms with a lot in my life, including becoming more of a man than I ever was.  This ride is a solo ride, but I have all of you in my corner cheering me on, and please, when you cheer me on, give a shout out to Ricardo Peralta.  Give a shout out to those you are close to living with HIV or any disease.  Remember, silence=death.  HIV exists.  This is a ride about education and prevention and support for those living with this disease.  That is the primary reason for this ride.  Please don't forget that. I have a couple times during the training....

And Ricardo, I will never forget.